(Clearly, this conversation took place BEFORE we left…)
My mother: “I forgot to pack my hair dryer.”
Me: “Mom, it’s a four-star boat…they have hair dryers.”
Caolinn: “Four? What happened to the fifth star?”
Me: (incredulous look) “Caol, the last time someone in this family crossed an ocean…it was in steerage. Forget about the fifth star, and be happy you’re not getting cholera.”
Dear Cruise Director, who the fuck picked this for the poolside movie? Were the licensing rights for Titanic too much?
I’m The Princess, Now!!!
R: “I have no idea who you’re talking about half the time. You have too many friends.”
Me: “I can’t help it if people think I’m awesome. Pfffffft…fools.”
R: “Do you plan on being this likable, Friday night?”
Me: “No, I plan on being a super bitch.”
R: “How is that different from a regular bitch.”
Me: “I’ll be wearing a cape.”
R: “Okay, that’s awesome.”
Me: “Which brings us full-circle…people think I’m awesome.”
R: *shaking head*
A conversation with my 4th grader…
Liam: “Dogs are so lucky; they can just go anywhere. The world is their toilet. If I were a wizard, I’d want to be an animagus.”
Me: “You’d want to be able to change into a dog, so you can pee anywhere you want?”
Liam: “Yeah, but also so I could talk to other dogs and find out stuff. Dogs see things, you know. HUZZAH!”
For the record, I take FULL responsibility for turning this kid in to a Grade A, Harry Potter nerd, but we are NOT Renaissance Festival people, so I don’t know WHERE that ‘huzzah’ shit came from. He and I will be having a long, serious talk about what’s acceptable in this house.