Mom, This Is Why You Should Be Glad *I* Couldn’t Text At 14.

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Caolinn: OMG I just saw an ad for car loans, and the storyline was that this nerdy white kid was trying to pick up this 40-year-old lady on a street corner in a crappy car, and he says, ‘Car ruined my game’, so he gets a loan and winks at the camera with the woman in his new car. WHAT. EVEN.  He looks twelve and she was this middle-aged, independent black woman who had been throwing him some appropriate sass, and now is IN HIS CAR.  WHAT IS HAPPENING!? America!? Feminism!?

Me: What in the holy hell are you watching?

Caolinn: I have no idea.  I was watching Teen Wolf and right in the middle of it, the commercial break took a really weird turn.

Me: To be clear…in a show about a werewolf who plays high school basketball…things took a really weird turn.

Caolinn: I don’t have time to explain these things to you, Mother.

Werewolf? There wolf…

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Caolinn: “The new season of Teen Wolf premieres in half an hour!”

Me: “Seriously…who are you?”

Caolinn: “Don’t make fun of Teen Wolf…I bet when you were my age, you were obsessed with Bay Watch.”

Me: (miming picking up the phone)  “Hi…Mom…can you please come pick up your granddaughter?  Why?  So I don’t go to jail.”