The Man Does Know His Fusion

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YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!!!

Caolinn: “I love Neil deGrasse Tyson. If I could choose anyone to be my father…it would totally be Neil deGrasse Tyson.”

Me: (murmuring) “If I could choose anyone to be your father, I’d pick Neil deGrasse Tyson, too.”

Caolinn: “Ummm, you COULD HAVE chosen anyone…and we know how THAT turned out.”

This Makes Me So Glad To Be Old

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Before you read this and wonder why I’m doing reading drills with high schoolers, my students all have some intellectual or learning needs, and I teach a reading group for kids with pretty significant issues with written language.

Me: “Okay, break this word down for me.  First me, then together.  Sh-e-ll”

Everyone: “Sh-e-ll  Shhhelll.  Shell.”

Me: “Break it down. First me, then together.  Ch-i-ll.”

Ramon: “Chill!  Like Netflix and chill!  That’s how babies get made, Miss M, and this ain’t science.”

 

 

Next Stop…Red Bull In Your Lunchbox, Kids!

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Caolinn: “Mom, I can’t believe you let Xavier have coffee, and now you’re going to leave them alone in the house.”

Xavier: “Scientists have proven that caffeine doesn’t make you hyper.”

Caolinn: “That is not true!”

Xavier: “This is why you’re not a scientist!”

That’s Right, Kids…And Waterfalls Wash Away All Blood Evidence.

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For those of you who are newer, I am the lucky recipient of the world’s most amazing student, D’Avonte, who is a 6′ 3″, self-identified drag-queen, who basically sasses me all day, but does it so charmingly, that I love her more for it.  That and she looks better than I do in short shorts, so I defer to her greatness. Additionally, I’ve taken on a new Sophomore, Ramon, who is this swaggering, sexist gangster, perpetually getting busted for drug offenses. Strangely, the two of them have become friends, which my teaching partner attributes to the fact that D’Avonte could kick Ramon’s ass, even in a wig and heels.

Anyhoooo…we were watching part of the Planet Earth series to supplement a lesson we were doing on the rainforest.

D’Avonte: “Oooooo, that’s pretty…look at all those flowers.”

Ramon: “You could get all lost up in there. That would be a GOOD place to bury a body.”

D’Avonte: (turning around) “The fuck is wrong with you!?”

Wait, Wait, Wait…Aren’t You A Teacher’s Kid? Have I Taught You NOTHING!?

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Caolinn: “My chemistry teacher loves me, and I don’t know why.”

Me: “Why do you think she loves you?”

Caolinn: “Because she sat me in the front row and she always asks me questions.”

Me: (incredulous look)

Caolinn: “What?”

Me: “I love that you think that means she loves you.”