If You Thought Goodnight Moon Was Twisted…

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Unfortunately, there are very few readily available books on Erwin Rommel, my son’s assigned topic for 8th grade History. The “book” I ordered on Amazon came today, and it was a whopping 30 pages in large font, claiming to give his full history from birth to death.  Bullshit.  It’s being returned.

Me: “Will you look at this!?  How are they selling this as a ‘book’!?”

Xavier: “What is it?”

Me: “It’s what I bought for Liam to do his report!”

Xavier: “That’s way too small to be a book.”

Me: “It’s a pamphlet!”

Xavier: “It’s like a children’s book…but with Nazis.”

So Much For Telling My Kids the Truth

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Me: “How many teachers are pregnant at your school?”

Xavier: “Four.”

Me: “Geez…sounds like there’s something in the water.”

Xavier: “Sounds like a lot of teachers are having unprotected sex.”

Me: …..

At Least Middle Schoolers Are Bullying Using Current Events

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Xavier: “Mommmmm!”

Me: “What?”

Xavier: “I need a haircut.”

Me: “You just got your hair cut a few weeks ago.”

Xavier: “Mom!  People kept coming up to me all day, saying, ‘Trump 2016’!”

Okay...he has a point.

Okay…he has a point.

Hey, We’ve Met…None Of This Should Come As Any Surprise

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(Yes, I know this picture has NOTHING to do with the post, but it amused the crap out of me, so that’s enough in my book.)

Caolinn: “Our sports assembly was stupid. They let the golf team hit numbered balls into the stands, and if you caught one, you got a doughnut. Now, please tell me…what teenage girl is going to want balls flying at their face?”

Me: *snort*

Caolinn: (sigh) “Mother, please…”