(A conversation via text…)
Me: Is today the day you’re at the Phoenix Open?
Ryan: I wish…still in the office, otherwise known as Super Bowl Central. I’m saving my media pass for the Open for Sunday.
Me: If if makes you feel better, the only passes I get at work are restroom passes, and they’re not even for me.
Ryan: Luckily all of my reporters can use the restroom by themselves, so I don’t need those.
Me: See, I have to make sure my kids ARE using the restrooms BY THEMSELVES.
Ryan: In theory, what would happen if they caught two kids doing it in the bathroom? Could they fire you?
Me: No, they’d just make me keep the resulting babies.
Ryan: I’d rather be fired.
January 31, 2015
babies, bathrooms, Education, golf, Humor, Phoenix Open, photography, Super Bowl, teaching, TPC, work
(Yes, I text my teenager on her lunch hour to bitch about OTHER teenagers.)
Me: I’m subbing on my prep for the Drafting teacher, and I’m watching this girl flirt with the boy across from her by pretending to be stupid to get his attention.
Caolinn: Ugh. Idiot.
Me: I want to throw markers at her.
Caolinn: Please do. Throw red ones, they’re more alarming and make sure to take the caps off first.
Me: And as I do, I’ll scream, “NOT. ON. MY. WATCH.”
Caolinn: They can’t fire you…you’re just teaching her.
January 29, 2015
Education, Ewan McGregor, Family, Humor, parenting, photography, Relationships, sex, teaching, teenagers
Seamus: (Reading from his phone.) “T
his study claims that men who take lots of selfies are generally crazy.”
Me: “Ruh roh…having some self-reflection?”
Seamus: “Apparently, men who post them unaltered have poor impulse control and have a higher incidence of being psychopaths, but men who edit them and add filters before posting are just plain old narcissists. I always edit.”
Me: “So, the only thing keeping you from being a fucking serial killer…is a sepia filter.”
Seamus: “I better keep editing my photos.”
Me: “You better stop eating your neighbors.”
January 12, 2015
crime, Humor, Instagram, men, narcissism, news, photo, photography, psychopath, selfies