So Much For Telling My Kids the Truth

Standard

Me: “How many teachers are pregnant at your school?”

Xavier: “Four.”

Me: “Geez…sounds like there’s something in the water.”

Xavier: “Sounds like a lot of teachers are having unprotected sex.”

Me: …..

In My Head…It Involved Mounties

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Boys: (Murmuring something to each other at the farmer’s market.)

Me: “WHAT did you just say to your brother!?”

Xavier (confused): “Canadian corn.”

Me: “Oh.”

Liam: “Wait…what did you think he said?”

Me (cough): “Nothing…nevermind.”

Apparently Haberdashery Class Was All Full

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Xavier: “Does the high school we’re going to next year have a metal working class for farriers?”
Me: (under my breath) “What the actual fuck?”
Caolinn: (whispering) “I heard that.  And, seriously, yeah…what the fuck?”

And, Yes, I Am Going To Teach…I’m Just Whining.

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Me: I’m too tired to teach tomorrow, I think I’ll just show them a movie.

Ryan: How about Frozen?

Me: How about Mommy Dearest?

Ryan: Good call, it would make all the parents look good.

Me: Today’s lesson: Perspective.

Ryan: They’ll also learn important life lessons like “Clean your plate.”

Me: And, “No, you DON’T need all those birthday presents.”

Ryan: And, “You can’t beat Mommy at swimming, but she can beat you…with everything in the house.”

Me: So much better than Disney.