Joan Crawford…You Have Nothing On Me




1. I’ve finally gotten what I always wanted for Mother’s Day…an indentured servant.

2. Also, the “magical bell” has Las Vegas written on it.

3. It just scored me a flavored seltzer, so this shit might ACTUALLY be magical.  I’m reserving judgment until I can see if it also gets my toilets scrubbed and my dog washed.

In case you haven’t read it…last year’s Mother’s Day post, which was far better worded, and didn’t involve using my children as slaves.

One More Word And I Show You The Stretchmarks



Xavier: “Can I get a laser tag set for Christmas?”

Me: “No way; no good can come from that.”

Xavier: “Come on!  It’s just lasers!  Nothing bad has ever come from lasers!”

Me: “I’m not about to enter into that debate right now, which, by the way, you wouldn’t win, but I will say that you are not getting a laser tag set.”

Xavier: “Mommmm!”

Me: Are you under the impression that nagging is going to work here?  That might work with your grandma, but it doesn’t work with me.  Do I look like grandma to you?”

Xavier: (pause) “I refuse to answer that question.”