Squirrel!!!

Standard

A few weeks ago, I broke my toe at work, so I’ve been forced to wear one of those ridiculous boots to protect it while it’s healing.

Student: “How’s your toe?”

Me: “Better, but today, I have this weird burning pain.”

Student: “You should take Adderol.”

Me: “So I can really buckle down and focus on how much it hurts?”

Student: “Oh, sorry, I meant Demerol.”

Me: “We’re going to need to have a conversation about your knowledge of prescription medications, one of these days.”

So Much For Telling My Kids the Truth

Standard

Me: “How many teachers are pregnant at your school?”

Xavier: “Four.”

Me: “Geez…sounds like there’s something in the water.”

Xavier: “Sounds like a lot of teachers are having unprotected sex.”

Me: …..

In My Head…It Involved Mounties

Standard

Boys: (Murmuring something to each other at the farmer’s market.)

Me: “WHAT did you just say to your brother!?”

Xavier (confused): “Canadian corn.”

Me: “Oh.”

Liam: “Wait…what did you think he said?”

Me (cough): “Nothing…nevermind.”