You Might Not Want To Say Anything

This scene would have gone far more differently, if he had been playing speed metal.

This scene would have gone far more differently, if he had been playing speed metal.

A text conversation with Sadie…

Me: I have a date with a guy that looks like Lloyd Dobler, after he grew up.

Sadie: Soooo, like Jon Cusack?

Me: No, he’s not all bloated.  This is like what we THOUGHT he’d wind up looking like.

Sadie: Well, as I sit here, polishing off my dinner of Honeynut Cheerios, listening to my 3 yr old throw a complete fit, while her father tries to put her to bed…  I’m insanely jealous.  Have fun.  Try not to hum “In Your Eyes” the entire time.

Me: Do you remember when I said that Diane would have gotten to London, woken up, realized he was a loser, and then left him for a college professor, and you argued with me?

Sadie: I’m guessing that conversation came before baby #2.  I was a lot more romantic then.  If ever a girl had a daddy complex, and would bang a teacher…it was Diane.

Me: If I decide that I don’t like him, and I give him a pen, do you think he’ll get it?

Sadie: If he gets it, you’ll probably like him again.

Me: Fucking irony.

Mumford and Sons…not fans of alternative proteins…


Before I say anything that can, in any way, be construed as a criticism, I want to go on the record as saying that last night’s Mumford and Sons concert was completely amazeballs.  Seriously, if you haven’t seen them live…do whatever you have to do to get the tickets.  They might not be worth turning tricks for, but they’re REALLY CLOSE…  No, I’m lying, it’s totally worth at least three handies, but like…high class ones…not street handies.


While I was there, trying to buy water for roughly the cost of a black market kidney, I noticed this on the vendor’s cart.


Now, I have no idea what the band’s beef is with peanuts (Smart bet would be a REALLY severe allergy, but you know I’m going to wind up Googling this, because if the internet is going to give me the ability to look weird shit up, I’m going to take it and run with it.), but I don’t know that ever, once, in my many, many (*cough*) years of life, that I’ve ever been ACTUALLY inconvenienced by a lack of ability to buy peanuts.

“What!?  No peanuts!  Fuck that, guys, we’re LEAVING!  Refund!”

In addition to the peanuts, they also wouldn’t let me have the top of my $57 water bottle, and when I asked if that was venue policy, she rolled her eyes, and said, “It’s the band’s direction.”  Now, I’m SURE there is a good reason (which shall ALSO be googled, damn it), but it sort of amuses me that other bands are snorting cocaine off hooker’s asses (don’t judge…the hookers were only trying to score Mumford tickets), and my band of choice won’t even tolerate bottle caps and legumes…

Okay, in closing…also check out Michael Kiwanuka, who opened for them, and who is so ridiculously talented, that I can’t even stand it.  Seriously bluesy fantasticness…

**Update**  Yes, one of the band members has almost been offed because of a peanut allergy.  How about we just don’t eat peanuts at concerts at all?  Let’s serve something that stoned people can break into easier than a shelled nut.  Almost nobody gets killed by Funyuns, just sayin’.