Yes…I named the cat, “McGonagall”. Sue me.

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Me: I found McGonagall cuddling with the dog!

Ryan: Picture?

Me: She took off before I could get it.

Ryan: Of course she did.  If those got out her rep would be ruined.

Me: I’m going to get one eventually. I’m going to be more relentless than that paparazzi who got the pic of Bieber’s wiener.

Ryan: I just read that and accidentally said ‘Bieber’s wiener’ out loud.

Me: Uh-oh.

Ryan: I’m just going to go ahead and quit my job, now.

 

And then, today, I got the picture…  🙂

"This isn't what it looks like."

“This isn’t what it looks like.”

Friends Shank Skanks

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Me: I FOUND THEM IN BED TOGETHER!!!

Tracy: Again, I find myself asking you…are you talking about your animals, or are you talking about Ryan?

Me: My animals.

Tracy: Again, this just got way less interesting.

Me: Would you prefer I caught Ryan in bed with someone?

Tracy.  No.  But then, at least I’d have someone to stab.

Me: I’m calling your mom.

Tracy: Now I’m going to stab you.

Cats And Dogs…Living Together…MASS HYSTERIA!!!

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As you may know, we’ve unexpectedly become cat owners, which has been pretty fine for us, but integrating Sully, the dog, has been a little more harrowing, and I’ve been getting a lot of advice on the matter from friends, who are probably REALLY tired of dealing with my stupidity on the subject.

(Texting)

Me: Best day ever!

Tracy: Why?

Me: He licked the kitty!!!  HE LICKED THE KITTY!!!

Tracy: Before I respond, can we clarify something. Are you talking about your animals…or is this about you and Ryan?

Me: The animals.

Tracy: Sigh. This conversation just got 100% more boring.

Guys…It Was JUST Rosh Hashanah…Get It Together.

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Xavier: “You know how cats lick themselves? They should make lotion for cats that tastes like bacon, so they’ll taste better.”

Me: “So they could lick themselves bald? Or so the dog would decide eating her is a good idea?”

Xavier: “Dream killer.”

I Also Put Sequins On My Jock Strap

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ariel

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m just not that girly.  I’m basically a dude with boobs.”

Ryan: “I disagree.  Yes, you can be a bit of a dude, but you can also be very girly.  Strangely, sometimes, you’re both masculine and feminine, at exactly same time.”

Me: “How is that even remotely possible?”

Ryan: “Last week, you told me to change the channel because you said you were about to cry because, ‘A dog looked sad.'”

Me: “Where’s the masculine part?”

Ryan: “You told me if I didn’t turn the channel quickly, you’d, ‘Punch me in the dick.'”

Me: “Point taken.”

 

**For the record, I would never punch him, let alone in the dick, and he knows that it’s a figure of speech.  I don’t support domestic violence in any way, especially in a manner that might impact my sex life**

For Once…It Wasn’t Me She Was Annoyed By…For Once

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So, apparently, my mother was online, and was reading a fluff article where people submitted captions for a photo of the President’s dog.  She thought the captions were hilarious, but evidently, my daughter was having none of this.

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