My Ass Muscle Is The One That Holds My Dignity In.

Standard

Ryan: “I feel that I should introduce you to the joys of the Cream Pie Shake.”

Me: “I feel that I should introduce you to the fact that I’m lactose intolerant.”

Ryan: “You eat cheese all the time!”

Me: “Fermented dairy, for some reason, doesn’t bother me, but straight ice cream or milk, I blow up like a balloon.”

(silence)

Me: “Grossed out?”

Ryan: “Not at all…just trying to decide if I should get you to drink one anyway, so we can get your first fart out of the way.  It’s going to happen one of these days, Megan.  It might as well be a controlled scenario.”

Me: “Ryan, this isn’t just some stupid forest fire we’re discussing, this is FARTING.  This is SERIOUS.”

Ryan: “Somewhere, a family of deer disagrees with your priorities.”