My dearest darling, Matthew, will be doing today’s post. I really wish he’d restart his blog (HINT, MOTHERFUCKER!), but, for now, his sass will be relegated to Amazon Reviews and anyone unfortunate enough to cross him in a bar after two dirty martinis.
In order to see the whole review, you have to click the “See More” at the bottom, but it’s totally worth it. Promise. 🙂
Matthew’s Amazon Shirt Fury
The following took place by IM, after my last post… The other party is insane enough to allow me to document it publicly. Let us all bow our heads and reflect on the fact that she is both with child…and a friend of mine.
Friend: You should remember to wear Birkenstocks and not shave your legs when interacting with this neighbor.
Me: I WAS wearing Birkenstocks…and I NEVER shave my legs!
Friend: Lol, the sexiness must shine through even with such great obstacles!
Me: The dress was low-cut. Tits trump everything. It’s a law…look it up.
Friend: Lol Thanks, I will look that up. I wouldn’t know. I was born with tits of a 12-year-old. So hoping nursing will change that!
Me: You should hope that they stay small, actually, otherwise when you finish…you’ll have the saggy tits of a 12-yr-old. Wait…that sounded wrong.