Apparently Haberdashery Class Was All Full

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Xavier: “Does the high school we’re going to next year have a metal working class for farriers?”
Me: (under my breath) “What the actual fuck?”
Caolinn: (whispering) “I heard that.  And, seriously, yeah…what the fuck?”

This Is Why I Haven’t Given Him His Own Phone

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This is what happens when you let your 13-year-old text his sister from your phone.  Annnnnnd I know this comes as a total shock, but I don’t use my kids’ real names on here, so I’ve edited the screen shot to protect the TOTALLY not innocent.

text

Car Conversations Never End Well

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Liam: “What was the name of that actor who did the Lincoln commercials?”

Xavier: “Matthew McConaughey.”

Liam: “What was he even in?  Why is he even famous?”

Xavier: “He was in Interstellar, and grown-up women find him attractive.”

Liam: “Mom, do you find him attractive?”

Me: “You mean Matthew McConagh-heeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy.”

Xavier: “Jesus, mother.”

Darkness Is So Fetch

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Liam: “What movie are we watching tonight?”

Caolinn: “Mean Girls.”

Liam: “Can we start it now, before dinner?”

Caolinn: “No, I want to wait until it’s dark.”

Liam: (pause)  “It has to be dark?  How mean ARE these girls!?”

I Know…I Shouldn’t Be Feeding This Behavior.

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allllllll-by-myself

Whence your 16-year-old texts you from class…

Caolinn: Can I get my belly button pierced next winter?  Pleeeeeease?

Me: Shouldn’t you be in class?  WTH is going on at that school?

Caolinn: I’m in choir.  It’s a joke class.

Me: Well, I think we’ve established why you have a B.

Caolinn: She’s literally spelling out choir terms.  She just spelled singing.  Would you be mad if I jumped out a second story window to get out of this, because she just spelled ‘choir’?

Me: They’re your legs, but I’m not wiping your ass for you, so take that into consideration.

Caolinn: She just spelled ‘soprano’.  WTF!?

Me: Mark my words…’alto’ is next.  Wait for it.

Caolinn: Winner!

Me: I think we can agree that no one is winning in this scenario.

Caolinn: Truth.