For the record, the child is walking the campus in 6″ heels all day…and if you’re not familiar with my blog, the child is a 6’3″, self-identified, drag queen, who comes to high school, dressed for the Milan runway.
D’Avonte: “My feet are killing me.”
Me: (Looking at her feet) “No shit.”
Me: “Every single day of my life, my love, every single day of my life.”
March 7, 2017
drag queens, Education, fashion, funny, gsa, Humor, kids, lgbt, Mike Pence, teaching
Matthew: Did I tell you that BJ had a heart attack?
Me: No! Is he okay?
Matthew: Dude almost dies two weeks ago, and then he posts that he had THIS for lunch.
Me: Yeah, that is NOT on the heart patient menu.
Matthew: This is the equivalent of saying, “I just got rid of my syphilis, time to rawdog some hoes!”
Me: I’m pretty sure, after a heart attack, they advise against rawdogging hoes, as well.
For those of you that remember
this conversation I had with my sons a few days ago… Their most recent objection to our vacation plans, is that there are sharks in the ocean.
At my parent’s house for family dinner…
Grandma: “So, I did some research about Bermuda today.”
Liam: “Did you find out that we’re going to disappear in a Sharknado?”
Grandma: “No, but you two should know there hasn’t been a shark attack in Bermuda since 1939. What do you have to say about that?”
Liam: “So…they’re due, then.”
March 5, 2017
bermuda, Family, funny, Home, Humor, Jaws, kids, parenting, sharks, travel
But…if you can’t spell “Clinic”…you don’t get to touch my dog’s balls.
Me: “Hey, guys! Grandma and Grandpa booked a big trip for all of us this summer! Guess where we’re going!?
Boys: “Like the TRIANGLE!?”
Xavier: “Is that even safe?”
Me: “Are you kidding me right now?”
Liam: “Seriously, is it safe?”
Me: “Would I ever take you someplace that wasn’t safe?”
Liam: “Did you even SEE Scooby Doo!?”
Me: (throws up hands)
March 3, 2017
bermuda, Caribbean, cruise, Family, funny, Home, Humor, kids, Scooby Doo, travel
Ryan: Where are you?
Me: I’m sitting, alone, in the kids’ therapist’s waiting room, with my feet on the coffee table, eating warm tortillas out of a bag. Let’s hope no one walks in.
Ryan: Why, because they’ll want some? Tell them to get their own damn tortillas.
Me: I’ll even share, motherfuckers!
Ryan: No, no, sharing…just stare them down.
Me: I think I figured something out.
Me: Why I have a kid in therapy.
Student: “Paying bills is a giant waste of time.”