Me: “Did Grandma order you your new sheets?”
Liam: “Yes, I got Star Wars ones!”
Me: “Okay…well…I guess that’s okay. It’s probably the last time you can get something like that, so you might as well enjoy it.”
Liam: “What do you mean the last time?”
Me: “Honey, you’re 14, you’re probably never going to have this opportunity to get fun sheets again.”
Liam: “Mother, I think you’re grossly underestimating the kind of adult I plan on becoming.”
Student: “Are you wearing green because it’s St. Patrick’s Day?”
Student: “What does the green stand for?”
Me: “Avarice, envy, and gangrene.”
Me: “The beautiful, rolling green hills of Ireland.”
March 17, 2017
Education, funny, Humor, Humour, ireland, irish, kids, St. Patrick's Day, teaching, teenagers
YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!!!
Caolinn: “I love Neil deGrasse Tyson. If I could choose anyone to be my father…it would totally be Neil deGrasse Tyson.”
Me: (murmuring) “If I could choose anyone to be your father, I’d pick Neil deGrasse Tyson, too.”
Caolinn: “Ummm, you COULD HAVE chosen anyone…and we know how THAT turned out.”
Today, I had to take D’Avonte downtown to get a copy of his birth certificate, so he could apply for a post-graduation training program. We were climbing in the school van, and my purse fell over.
Me: “Oh, great, now I have tampons everywhere.”
D’Avonte: “Miss M…you’re still young enough to have babies?”
Me: “Get out of this Goddamn van, right now.”
So, just before Christmas, we found ourselves adopted by yet another cat. This time, by a giant boy who was dumped outside a friend’s business, and who was desperate to be taken home by just about anyone, so we fit his bill. We love him…which is good, because he’s frankly a mischievous pain in the ass.
Me: So, guess what we found when we got home. tonight?
Ryan: Oh, no, he finally figured out how to open the drawers.
Me: No, thank God. This…
Ryan: How was your day, today?
Me: Well…I got to ride in the back of a police car, which is about as disgusting as you would think it is.
Ryan: Your life of crime finally caught up with you?
Me: Me, the campus cop, and the Dean of Discipline were chasing a kid who ran away from campus.
Ryan: Did you catch him?
Me: Ten staff members, five private vehicles, three police cars, four miles, and 90 minutes later…yes.
Ryan: Are you ever tempted to just let them run?
Me: After today, if I had it my way, we would stand on the curb, waving, as he takes off.
Ryan: Let him run! BE FREE!
Me: “Find your bliss, Motherfucker!”
Me: “Hey, I need your three sentence summary of the student news.”
D’Avonte: “Ms. M, you KNOW I hate the damn news.”
Me: (teacher face)
Turns in summary…
“They’re talking about Trump and all his bullshit. It’s the same stuff with his bitchass every day. Why do you make me do this?”