It should come as no surprise that Ryan and I are lapsed Catholics. I’m 90% sure if we stepped across the threshold of a church, that flames would erupt.
Ryan: You going to church?
Me: Why would I go to church? In the middle of the week?
Ryan: It’s Ash Wednesday.
Me: Ohhhhhhh…that. No, I don’t want schmutz on my head. I’m going to Costco, though. Need anything?
Ryan: Costco instead of church. What would Jesus say?
Me: He’d say ‘Don’t buy the giant thing of chicken salad, again, you’ll never finish it.’.
Ryan: What would your grandmother say?
Me: She’d say I was going to hell…and to ignore Jesus and get the chicken salad, so she can score half of it.