Me: I’m at the Diamondbacks game. It’s only 10 minutes in, and they’re down by 3 runs. This isn’t going to be pretty.
Ryan: The season’s almost over. They’re looking forward to playing golf.
Me: Judging from the way they’re swinging, they think they already are.
(fifteen minutes later)
Me: Dear Lord, we’re 0-5 at the top of the 2nd. Is there a mercy rule in MLB?
Ryan: No. There should be a mercy rule that if your team sucks that badly, that you get free food and beer.
Me: This season would have been a Public Health Emergency.
Ryan: Baseball Diiiiibeetus.