I Am Not A Doctor…And I Didn’t Even Play One Behind Tony Spinnutto’s Swingset

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Me: “What did the doctor say?”

Jen: “Well, now they’ve added another drug, also NOT on my insurance, to try and thicken my lining, and then I have to go in for an ultrasound to see if it worked, so they will know IF they can even think about doing the IVF cycle.”

Me: “How many meds are you on, now?”

Jen: “Five.”

Me: “Hey, I don’t want to claim to be a doctor, but I’ve heard of this drug that you can take, all by itself, that’s super cheap, and if you take it, you’ll be pregnant, like…constantly.”

Jen: “You’re talking about meth, aren’t you?”

Me: “Have you ever met a meth head with fewer than five kids?”

Jen: “God, it’s true.”

Me: “I’m not convinced it’s not a fertility drug they lost control of.”

Jen: “Maybe it’s not the meth, but all the hooking they do to GET the meth.”

Me: “Well, there’s another option for you.”

Jen: “You’re never babysitting.”

41 thoughts on “I Am Not A Doctor…And I Didn’t Even Play One Behind Tony Spinnutto’s Swingset

  1. Doug in Oakland

    I don’t think it’s so much the meth itself as the spending all of your birth-control money on it…

  2. Between the post and your banter with Callahan, there’s nothing I can add that would come close.

    (Feckin’ freckles on my fingers makes me Irish? D*mn. And here I’ve been wearing orange every March in protest against the wearin’ of the green, in honor of what I thought was the Scottish part of my heritage. My father’s got some explaining to do.)

  3. I’m pretty sure you just fried my brain with that conversation. Please provide training on how I can have such discourse with my wife and live to tell the tale.

  4. Good lord.. She wants a child? Is she high? Mad? Did you not tell the stories that cause the vagina to close up faster than you can say, “Oh hell no honey!” You know, the first 2 years after birth. Those first two years you don’t sleep more than 10 minutes at a time… 😀

    I swear some people don’t listen.

  5. Randstein

    Wait! You have another web site? I’m only enjoying a 50% load of fun? Has Jen heard the ancient Zumbloobian saying, “From the back of a baby comes a ton of woe.” Really, she should think about it. We have a pending zombie apocalypse coming and no one wants a dirty diaper in the bunker.

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