Smart Idea: Try And Lure Journalist Boyfriend Out Of The Country WITHOUT Pulling Out A Boob

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Me: We’re in Nassau.  I just snagged beach access at one of the hotels. Which is a bigger asshole American move: Starbucks or a Piña Colada in a coconut shell?

Ryan: Piña Colada. Very ’50’s Mad Men kind of thing. Everyone does Starbucks.

Me: Good call. I’m moving here. Please come.11301435_10206404349643273_1533162408_n (1)

Ryan: Sure, there are newspapers there. I can add ‘Mon’ to a lot of my stories.

Me: Headline: Water Too Clear

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Ryan: Sharks protest clear water, say interferes with theme song terror.

Me: No one gives a shit when they see us, Turtles cry.

Ryan: Turtles demand theme song to give swimmers night terrors.

Me: Turtle King demands unionization.

Ryan: Koch brother’s destroy unionization of turtles, and then take away their healthcare and access to education.

Me: Fuck, that’s scary.  I need another drink.

Ryan: Drunk Americans…Are They Ruining Nassau?

28 thoughts on “Smart Idea: Try And Lure Journalist Boyfriend Out Of The Country WITHOUT Pulling Out A Boob

  1. Doug in Oakland

    The Turtles struck gold with “Happy Together” , after which the two founding members joined Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention… Wait, what were we talking about?

  2. The only thing worse than a drunk American is a drunk naked Canadian. You can take that to the bank. Thank goodness for the clear water though, otherwise what would be the point of streaking the beach?

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