Megan McMcerson…Internet Cautionary Tale

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Yup…this is how that date would go.

About a year ago, someone with a traditionally female name, who went to my high school, added me on Facebook.  We had 30 friends in common…I stupidly accepted.  They only had pictures of dogs, and never interacted with me in ANY way, so, frankly, I forgot they were in my friend list.  Then, out of nowhere, this person, who, as it turns out is a guy, starts posting come-ons on my Facebook wall, in front of God and everyone (read: my mother).  Obviously, this resulted in deletions and un-friending, but…that still didn’t get through to him, apparently.

Tracy: “Did you block that idiot?”

Me: “Yes, but first he tried to re-add me twice, and when I deleted them, the private messages start.  The first one repeats exactly what he wrote on my wall, and the second one says, ‘It’s okay if you have a boyfriend. we can still hang out’.”

Tracy: “What the fuck!?”

Me: “Right?  I’m going to take that bait?”

Tracy: (laughing) “I think you should..it’s good to make new friends.”

Me: “Oh, God…I can’t wait to have that conversation with Ryan.  ‘Hey, so, yeah, there’s this guy I went to high school, who I don’t remember, who has no social skills to speak of, who keeps asking me out, but he said it was cool if we just hung out, so…I’m gonna do that, ‘kay?’ Jesus, he’d dump me just so he wouldn’t be the boyfriend of a dead girl.”

Tracy: “Maybe he WANTS to be portrayed in a Lifetime Original Movie.”

Me: “No man wants to wind up on Lifetime.”

Tracy: “CSI?”

Me: “Stop selling this, please, either way, I wind up a skin suit.”

Tracy: “Hmmm…yeah…that.”

36 thoughts on “Megan McMcerson…Internet Cautionary Tale

  1. You can borrow one of my son’s swords if you need to? He’ll even be the messenger for you, he’s very protective! 😀 Also, with Tracy’s tips, is she your friend or the freaky stalker dudes? She makes the line fuzzy a bit, doesn’t she? 😉 (JK)

  2. Randstein

    I’m thinking we need to change the meaning of “what are friends for,” to keep up with the times. How about, “Oh Geez! I’m so friended!” or “If you do that I’m going to friend you up!” Context is so important these days 🙂

  3. Here are my thoughts:

    1. If you want I will be happy to bite this fucker on the forehead for you.
    2. Are you sure you haven’t been posting pics of the “Red Meat” and thus inciting boners?
    3. That GIF is giving me major wood. I am ashamed. This produces more wood (wood means a boner).
    4. I have a cold but I’m not sneezing much.

    • I’m going to go ahead and gloss over your serial killer boner, and go straight to your forehead biting offer. lol I’m giving you a list…I expect it complete by week’s end. In exchange, I will provide good ‘ole “Murican ball-kicking for your enemies.

  4. I can’t tweet. It reminds me of some 1960’s post “Beaver Cleaver” term my mom would use for females passing gas. We were never allowed to fart, we puffed, or tweeted.

  5. so, I’m frightened for your safety. please don’t let this turn into a dateline episode because I would have to watch it and then hate myself for it later. upside: this post will go viral right after the episode airs and you will have posthumous mega-fame?

      • SERIOUSLY! People are more evangelical about Candycrush than religion! If only Jesus had had a FB page to share or even better an online game where you could make a buffet of fish with a single single starter fish… for bonus points you can try to turn water into wine! Yo Yo Meg.. we could be millionaires!

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