I Also Put Sequins On My Jock Strap

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ariel

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m just not that girly.  I’m basically a dude with boobs.”

Ryan: “I disagree.  Yes, you can be a bit of a dude, but you can also be very girly.  Strangely, sometimes, you’re both masculine and feminine, at exactly same time.”

Me: “How is that even remotely possible?”

Ryan: “Last week, you told me to change the channel because you said you were about to cry because, ‘A dog looked sad.'”

Me: “Where’s the masculine part?”

Ryan: “You told me if I didn’t turn the channel quickly, you’d, ‘Punch me in the dick.'”

Me: “Point taken.”

 

**For the record, I would never punch him, let alone in the dick, and he knows that it’s a figure of speech.  I don’t support domestic violence in any way, especially in a manner that might impact my sex life**

43 thoughts on “I Also Put Sequins On My Jock Strap

  1. I was doing something obnoxious to my wife (I know, surprising huh?) as we were standing by the front door of our apartment. I may have been threatening to punch her in the tit (jokingly) for some reason or other. She told me to “knock it off or I’ll kick you in the cock.” We walked out the door only to see our neighbour walking into his suite. He heard us, or at least he heard her. We live in a really nice building and tit punching and cock kicking is out of place there. We both laughed til we had tears.

  2. Doug in Oakland

    What’s not feminine about threatening to punch someone who’s not giving you your way quickly enough in his dick?
    Must be you know different women than I do…

  3. Randstein

    Great post! Such figures of speech are absolutely necessary to tame the savage beasts, control chaos, teach obedience without question of authority, and to get the channel changed before drama erupts. Threatened with the same, I would probably even load the dishwasher and take out the garbage before the garbage pick up past hastily by me, huffing and puffing under strain in the driveway as usual. 😉

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