Please Don’t Read This Post…It’s The Worst

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Seriously…if you’re REMOTELY conservative or squeamish…this isn’t your post.  Maybe go find the one where I talk about Panda Porn…it’s still rank, but somehow slightly adorable.

Ryan: Hey, I’m on the 14th hole, so we should be done soon.  Do you want to come over at 5?

Me: Sounds good.  How’s the score?

Ryan: Terrible.  I’m playing badly, even for me.

Me: Start mooning them when they tee off.

Ryan: I don’t think that’ll be enough, they’re all lawyers…they’ve seen things.  We’ve been throwing out the names of disgusting sex acts from Urban Dictionary all afternoon to try and throw each other off.

Me: Have you already tried Cleveland Steamer?

Ryan: Are you kidding?  That’s where we started.  It’s been a dark, dark day.

Me: How does that stuff even get started?

Ryan: No idea.  Too many drunk men lying about things they’ve gotten away with?

Me: Women would never do that.

Ryan: 1. It’s disgusting and no one should be doing it.  2. Women would be judged more…not that this is fair.

Me: Yes, women and men will never truly be equals…until ladies can lie to their girlfriends about taking a dump on a man’s chest.

Ryan: I just laughed so hard that one of my friends sliced.

Me: My work here is done.

Update: I feel it necessary to point out that women don’t poop. Ever. We’re magical.

44 thoughts on “Please Don’t Read This Post…It’s The Worst

  1. Hahahaha! OOooohhhh SNAP! And I thought the joke was gonna be something about the “14th hole”… Can’t top that with a… … …

    Dang – I’ve lost my words 😉

  2. Willy Nilly

    I’ve suddenly found it difficult to unlearn something once grounded in the sub-conscience. On the bright side, I think I can use this during my next golf outing. 🙂

  3. Doug in Oakland

    Green Giant sells a line of frozen microwave-in-the-bag vegetable dishes that they call Steamers. I like them for three reasons:
    1. They are vegetable dishes that are ready to eat in five minutes.
    2. They don’t go bad if you don’t eat them this week. And
    3. Their name makes for a lot of inappropriate for the dinner table humor. I think my favorite so far was “I’d prefer to not call them that just yet.”

  4. Ha! Your commenters are the best, too. On your closing comment, I immediately thought this video, for a very real product, in the off chance you’ve never seen it.  (I’m certain you must have by now.) We keep a bottle in the boys’ room only. ‘Cause we know the truth. 😉

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