Does A McMcerson Take A Shit In The Woods?

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Xavier: “When can we go camping?”

Me: “Honey, mommy was raised by New Yorkers…even if we had a motor home, we’d need Bear Grylls to survive it.”

Xavier: “I know how to make a fire.”

Me: “I know how to make a reservation at a cabin in the woods.”

Xavier: “It’s not the same.”

Me: “Yes, but my way has a toilet.”

 

***Later that day, discussing this issue with my friend, John…

 

John: “Who in the hell is going to teach those boys to build a camp fire and kill small animals?”

Me: “Wow, you just described camping AND the warning signs of a future serial killer.”

John: “I’m not a serial killer. I think you have to kill more than five to be labeled a serial killer.”

Me: “Depends…were they all hookers or drifters?”

John: “I’ve already said too much.”

21 thoughts on “Does A McMcerson Take A Shit In The Woods?

  1. Willy Nilly

    Perhaps it best to buy them a sleeping bag to crawl into while watching Meercats on Animal Planet. They’ll learn of the awesome powers of Alpha Females and the respect they are due. Also, I think lighting fireworks is good training for creating out of control fires. Best of luck. I know it’s not easy.

  2. I have your solution… you’re fortunate to have an older more experienced reader from AZ who also can’t shit in the woods. It is called “Fool’s Hollow Lake” . The best kept secret of mothers who must be showered and sit on clean toilets. They have private CLEAN bathrooms. Each bathroom has a shower, toilet, and sink. Even more importantly, a locking door. This mom never had a breakfast over a fire without freshly washed hair and shaven pits and legs. I didn’t care if AZ was in the midst of a drought and there was no water in the lake, that was the only place I would agree to camp.

  3. I slept in the woods once. It was on the way home from the bar, and I was gassed to the gills. One wrong turn later, and there I am with a moldy stump pressed into my rib cage and a chipmunk nibbling on my chin. It was cute and all, and really got me back in tune with nature, but if anyone ever asks me if I want to do this by choice, they better be ready for the wrath of Lewin. It’s a terrible thing, that wrath.

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