Sucking Metaphors Are Redundant Here, Aren’t They?



(A wholly appropriate Sunday morning text conversation)

Ryan: What are you doing?

Me: Caolinn wanted to watch the last two Twilight movies back-to-back…so that’s what we’re doing.

Ryan: Are you Team Edward?

Me: I’m Team Alice.

Ryan: Alice?  Who’s Alice?

Me:  She’s the sister; she can see into the future.

Ryan: So can I.  You’re about to waste the next four hours of your life.

35 thoughts on “Sucking Metaphors Are Redundant Here, Aren’t They?

  1. I’m sorry, but you some of the BEST memes EVER (something I never thought I’d be “down” with, but whenever you can say F*CK YOU! with hilarity and a picture, WIN!).
    You also have some of the funniest text convos. 🙂

    • Some of the funniest ones take so much context that I can’t pare them down to fit into this format, and it KILLS me. And THANK YOU! I have such a fit of “did you have to be there, for this one?”, and then worry that no one will find it remotely amusing. 🙂

  2. I never thought about it but if I had to choose… I’d pick team Alice too. I can’t recall her ever being all “sparkly”! What is up with that, btw?!?!
    I don’t think that was the image Bram Stocker had in mind!!

  3. Doug in Oakland

    I never read the Twilight books or saw the movies, but I would like to point out that my generation had its own pop-culture vampire in Barnabas Collins from Dark Shadows. I was a little young for Gothic soap operas at the time, but my older sister was a fan. Oh shit, I just remembered that I promised not to rat her off for watching DS after school. Little brother strikes again!

  4. here’s an honest trailer of all the twilight movies:

    just click on the annotations in the video to view the honest trailer for the next twilight movies..
    this is the only twilight related thing that i enjoyed wasting my time on..
    thanks to an irritating little sister and a monster ex girlfriend, im embarassed to say that i have watched all the twilight movies and have thought multiple times about sticking a fork in my eyes the whole time i was watching

      • lulz..that frozen trailer cracked me up..i watch a lot of animated movies when babysitting my nieces..
        watching the honest trailer for frozen first before watching the actual movie kinda ruined it for me since all i could do was laugh my butt off the whole time it was running..
        i recommend watching the divergent trailer too..
        and yes, you are spot on with all that crap you do for love..parasitic relationship went on for a year, and i don’t even know why..
        it was only when we broke up that i realized how psycho and scary she
        (you can tell how bored i am at work by the length of my comments..ahaha..)

      • Trust me…try doing the inventory after a bad ten-year marriage, and trying to figure out how you were a part of it, and what your part was. Ugh…I was the dumbest person EVER. Thank God for my kids, so I can rationalize the whole thing. lol

      • actually, i’ve just realized it quite some time after we broke up, that if you go by the strict definition of rape/sexual assault as: “initiating sexual intercourse against an individual without consent”, then i’m pretty sure that i was sexually assaulted by her multiple times when we were together..that’s how bad she wanted a baby from me..had to closely guard my stash of prophylactics (sabotage) and my bank info (fraud and theft) from her in the latter part of our relationship..
        totally killed my attraction to girls who are even 4-5 years older than me..(we had a 10 year gap..)
        actually, she kinda killed my desire to develop a relationship or even a fling for a good couple years..that’s how she bad she freaked me out..
        now, it’s the opposite..i get so freaked at letting a girl know how i really feel, that at one time, a girl i was dating called me “emotionally constipated”..whatever i think that means..
        sorry for the

      • It’s okay…we’re all friends here. It’s like therapy, but ever-so-slightly public, and we’re allowed to say “motherfucker” all we want. Also…NO BILLING!

        That girl…is crazy. Very few people are that insane, so just think of it this way…you’re been pre-disastered, and you can go out into the world knowing that the odds of you finding another one are almost nil. 🙂

      • you know how some people win the lottery more than once in their lifetimes? looks like i’ve won a different kind of lottery..
        i’ve only been working as a nurse for 3 1/2 years, but in that time, i’ve been caught in a serious fire at work (hospitalized for smoke inhalation & trauma), been punched, (almost) stabbed, bit, kicked (from face to groin), spat on, insulted (name an asian slur you can think of, i’ve heard it at least once), slapped, and been the recipient of an attempted homicide; all in the line of duty..actually had to go on counselling for that last one, after i recovered from a week of binge drinking..
        weirdly enough, i haven’t had a broken back yet, its like, the most common injury for healthcare frontliners..
        i actually created a blog for the purpose of telling all my stories anonymously, but i get really bad writer’s block..i have the stories, i just dont have enough energy to write it down..would be wayyy easier to tell it all as is, but i have to expend some effort in hiding some pretty sensitive

      • waiiiittt a minute..did you..did you just call me a “motherfucker”?ahaha..cus if you did, that totally flew over my head..counting the minutes till your shift is over is sooo mentally exhausting,.lol..
        cus she IS a mother now, and we did eff a few
        took me nine months of sweating like a pig, mentally backtracking trying to determine if the kid is mine (nope, to my relief) and constant updating through mutual friends to see if the kid looks like me..

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