Right…That’s Why You Gained 10lbs. Suuuuuure. *wink*


Fellow smartphone users who are unhappy with the size of their asses…  There is this awesome app, that I adore, called My Fitness Pal (and, no, they haven’t asked me to advertise for them, but now, they should…well…actually…hang on to that thought for a minute, because, like everything on this blog, it’s about to take a dark turn).  Last year, I took off about 16lbs using it. It’s super easy and helps you track all of your activity and food intake.  ANYHOOOO…it has been brought to my attention that among the millions of food listings…that this food item is in their vast library of choices.





IMG_8249IMG_7935Who, exactly, is this for?  Either A) You are so anorexic, that you’re concerned about the caloric load of a single blow job, or B) You are giving so much head that it’s effecting your diet plan, in which case…I’d like to see an entry for how many calories giving a blow job burns in the first place.  I’m guessing you still come out ahead.  HA!  A…Head.  Get it?  (sorry, even I hate me right now)

One last thought before I burn in hell…is anyone else concerned that they felt they needed to specify that the sperm was human?  Anyone?

89 thoughts on “Right…That’s Why You Gained 10lbs. Suuuuuure. *wink*

  1. That or it is an app that was created by some blow-job deprived guy whose girlfriend is on a low carb diet. Probably as we type he is researching in hopes that there may be trace amounts of calcium in semen so he can tout its anti-osteoporosis qualities.

  2. Apparently oral sex burns about 100 calories, so you’re right! 80 calories lost per blowjob!

    I got into an argument with some misogynist jerk parading as a gentleman giving advice to woman on how to be treated ‘like a lady’ a couple months ago, where he was basically saying, “If you are promiscuous, you are bad, and prepare to be judged for it.” I asked how he could possibly make that call given that ‘promiscuous’ is totally a subjective concept that means different things to different people.

    He said “If a girl willingly performs oral sex on 60 guys this morning, that is her business and her right. If a guy performs oral sex on 60 different women on Saturday, that is his right and his business. However, by definition, they are performing a promiscuous act. ”

    60? really? That’s a lot of calories burnt right there.

  3. Given that most of the sperm I encounter are frozen I can’t help but wonder if the numbers are different for that. Not that I’m advocating that cryobanks start a spermsicle line with the ice cream trucks or anything, but…

  4. Brian

    Besides wondering about why it was important that the contributor specified human male sperm (should it have been semen instead?), I wonder where the calories come from. In looking at the nutritional breakdown, the only thing listed that contains nutritional calories is the 0.2g of protein. That ain’t 20 calories. Here’s a nice breakdown I found:


    This one is even better news for the knobber. Only 0.7 calories per 3/4 tsp (not much of a load) but it’s a starting point.

    I DO NOT want to know who knows the facts on non-human contributions.

    • I love that you researched this issue further. You, Sir, win the award for dedication. I’m not sure what the prize is, but I can promise it’s NOT between .7-20 calories. 🙂

    • Weel Prudence, my bonnie lass, a’ve ne’er pure trifled wi’ th’ idea o’ figuring oot how ladybits ur suppose tae function.
      Mah guidwife aye tells me that ah ken hee haw aboot pleasurin a wifie, ‘n’ indeed that is true. Howfur geeza time tae learn aboot sinful hings lik’ that whin a’m stowed removing burr fae mah naked, bit handsomely kilted bahookie ?

      (i wanted to give off a really prudish english tone but there’s no way to do that in writing so i did it in scots brogue instead..lol..)

  5. Willy Nilly

    Bwaaaa Haaa haaaaa! Okay, I’m immature, I admit it. I thought that was funny, especially the last thought. Who woulda thought FDA labeling requirements would come to this.

    • One of my friends, who by the way is the LAST person to go looking for this, was typing in “syrup” and she misspelled, and auto put in “sperm” before she realized. At least that’s what she CLAIMS. lol

  6. elitosphere

    I’m actually more concerned at the fact that there’s 0 grams of sugar in there. Does that mean that there’s no truth to this whole pineapple myth??? My whole life has been a lie!

  7. i am beside myself right now. i’m not even sure what that means but i like the way it sounds. in other words – this is one of the best things i have ever read (which speaks volumes for my literary reserve).

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