I Should Get A Fucking Oscar For The World’s Longest Running Stage Production

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Some background…  My ex-husband has this funny habit of not paying his child support, and of canceling the kid’s health insurance without telling us.  He’s a winner…it’s a wonder we didn’t last.

Tracy: “So what was his response to the email about the kid’s insurance?”

Me: (laughing) “That I wouldn’t care about things like the kids being able to go to a doctor, if I moved on with my life, and it was time that I finally got over him.”

Tracy: “Oh, please.  You were over him two years into a nine-year marriage.  Can you think of ANYTHING nice about being married to that asshole?”

Me: (long pause) “Well, when we were together, I thought it would be sort of romantic to keep a secret running count of the number of orgasms he gave me.”

Tracy: “Seriously?”

Me: “Yeah.  After all…how hard is it to count to three?”

 

(I also deserve a Nobel Peace Prize for not telling him every time he fucks something up…which is all the time.)

21 thoughts on “I Should Get A Fucking Oscar For The World’s Longest Running Stage Production

  1. I too was married to an ass-jack for about 8 years. He dubbed me “A Sneaky C-Word” for reporting him to my local Support Svs office for deciding he didn’t want to pay child support anymore after our son turned 18. My calculations were generously overestimated when I could’ve easily told the social worker that he 100% didn’t pay me a dime since the beginning of our separation. I forbade him from writing me checks since they had a habit of bouncing & he was too lazy/stupid to get money orders ergo also too stupid to request a receipt from me.

      • Trust me, it doesn’t suck for him. He always manages to get some idiot woman to be his puppeteer. Life is easier for him when he hands over all control & responsibility to someone else. I got tired of it – “Special” by Garbage became his song in my mind…

        His third (yes, third) wife inherited some dough & they now live in a nice house in a suburb north of me with matching “smart-cars”‘; which I found hilarious – he now needs a f’kn CAR to be “smart” for him! (He totaled at least 2 in his lifetime). Better her than ME!

  2. What is it with crapfaces who use their kids as pawns to be petty? Why is it so common? Is there a handbook they give out?

    (To be fair, my ex is not like this, but I have one thousand girlfriends who have exes like like that)

  3. Doug in Oakland

    I say if they’re gonna be a deadbeat, you should at least be allowed to beat them, in public, over the head, with a rubber chicken. It may not be useful, but it would at least be amusing.

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