***Yes, Ryan and I are obsessed with the NSA monitoring our texts. We are clearly narcissists who read too many spy novels.***
Ryan: What was going on with Bugs and all the cross-dressing? Was he based on J. Edgar Hoover, what with all of his spying and his manipulation of Elmer and Daffy? He was OBSESSED with control.
Me: Oh, you totally know Bugs was into leather.
Ryan: Obviously. Probably had an 11″ dildo in his nightstand, too.
Me: Well, don’t we all?
Ryan: I think it’s in the Constitution.
Me: Falls under the Second Amendment? Right to bear arms?
Ryan: At 11″, it might be an ACTUAL bear arm.
Ryan: How does one purchase an 11″ dildo? What exactly do you say to the store clerk?
Me: “You know…I just don’t think that 8-incher is getting me where I need to go.”
Ryan: “Here’s a picture of a bear’s arm…how close can you get me?”
Me: It’s too big to buy in person, one would have to purchase that item online.
Ryan: And you’d know this how?
Me: Logic! Don’t judge me, you!
Ryan: Hey, no need to qualify the purchase. It clearly isn’t for me. Now it’s just between you and Visa. And the NSA who is reading this, of course.
Me: Damn it NSA, I thought we were cool.