It’s time for another round of terrible ways people found my blog!
1. Who is googling “Steve Buschemi penis”, and does it have one crazy sad eye?
2. I’m not even going to get into y’all’s mommy issues.
3. Which one of you exactly, is “scrutinizing your vagina”…and wound up here?
4. If you’re looking for tips on “fantastic fucking”…this place isn’t going to help you at ALL.
5. I feel it necessary to apologize to the ghost of Leonid Brezhnev. Â Sir, I swear I haven’t written about you, and I’m sorry you’re stuck in there with all the penis inquiries.
“Slapped labia cry” is that the beginning of a haiku?
It is now! It must be written!
Slapped labia cry
Wonder Woman aw hell no
Scrutinizing my vagina
Don’t count the syllables.
Love. You.
I’d like to know how my blog got so popular in Nigeria, and why my computer is running slow. I’m not the one scrutinizing–I don’t have one–I’m not the one having fantastic anything, but I just won the lottery in Mombasa. Wohoo!
Be prepared to split that shit because I won, too!! 🙂
😉
I don’t know…seems to me Brezhnev might fit right in with the category of “penis.” -Amy
Agreed…if ever there was a penis, Russian or otherwise… 🙂
I don’t know much about Leonid Brezhnev, but maybe he was a bit of a… dick. =)
And we do have dick aplenty here…
Apparently. lol
These are all good questions, but the real thought provoker is this: does Steve Buschemi’s penis have jagged, crooked teeth to go along with that eye? Now I’m curios. Ok, maybe not enough to google it but still….
If you DO google it. You’ll get my page. Sigh.
he he 😀 OMG.
Right!? 🙂
Algorithms, schmalgorithms. Googles analytics gurus are laughing their butts off at our expense!
They totally are…while they touch themselves. Bloody perverts…all of them.
Oh my god I love these!
It was the Steve buschemi penis, wasn’t it?
I neither confirm nor deny that three or four of those are mine… Okay, maybe five.
I think I must have been the heathen porno one. 😀
Mystery…solved. Damn. lol
😀 Glad I could clear that one up for ya. 😀
🙂
It seems clear….what the people want is smut 🙂
HA!!!
I think we’re all forgetting something here: Besides the fourteen-year-old dicks who drive the internet, there are the thirteen-year-old dicks who designed the voice recognition and autocorrect software on your phone so that when it guesses wrong, that wrong guess is invariably a word or phrase found on your list of search terms.
I get a choice on my phone: Siri, who appears to be 96 years old and siriously hard-of-hearing, or google, and guesses that are such a stretch in order to hit that dirty-word bar that, speaking as an ex-Linguistics nerd AND ex-systems analyst, there is no friggin’ way the software wasn’t tilted in that direction by the juvenile-minded.
Bloody hell. I know you’re a bit bent and all, Meg, but what on earth… the way people find you is totally more interesting than the way they find me. What the heck is wrong with me?
Right!? And your stuff is frequently dark! Imagine if we were on the same site…our analytics would be TERRIFYING.
The mind boggles… my stuff ain’t dark! It’s beige. Definitely beige. And tastes like bananas. I wonder what that means…
Beige…like your SOUL. Wait…huh?
By the time you read this, some flaming Hindus may have beaten that beige soul into a molten pile of burning beef bbq…. and that’s what passes for my version of fun on a sunday afternoon, yourself?
Um…grocery shopping, pre-school (not preschool) panic attacks, and possibly making out with a guy who owns too many cats. Your day sounds WAY more bloggable.
I have made out with a guy who owns too many cats. But I flippin hate cats.
I’m just allergic. I don’t hate them, but compared to dogs…mehhhhh.
My kids want a cat. I’m totally screwed.
Distract them with candy. And Ritalin.
Candy-flavored Ritalin?
We’re going to make millions.
50-50?
Done.
I see an alarming/fascinating trend here.
Dude, where have you been…we’ve missed you.
oh, y’know. this and that, blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada, drivel. but, I’m makin’ a come back. 😉 internets – you have been warned. p.s. – – I’ve missed you, too.
WHOOO HOOO!!! I knew I sensed a disturbance in the force!
I’m trying to not think of which of those searching people is now currently reading this site RIGHT NOW with me…shudder.
Wear a condom…that’s all I’m sayin’. 🙂
The greatest thing would be if whomever did these searches found your blog, read your posts, and then went, “Ok, this shit is too twisted… even for me.”
Odds this actually has happened? High…very high…
LOL should I therefore be concerned at my level of standards that I have yet to arrive at this judgement with your posts?
Oh, you’re totally fucked, sir. TOTALLY.