That’s No Garden, Ho.

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German_garden_gnome

It’s wrong to be turned on by this, isn’t it.

While looking at houses online…

Casey: “How about this one?”

Me: “Oh, no way.”

Casey: “It’s red brick…you love red brick…you never shut up about red brick.”

Me: “Yeah, but it has a HUGE vegetable garden situation, in the backyard, and I can’t even keep a cactus alive.”

Casey: “You’re smart…you could figure it out, and if you could grow your own kale, you’d save like a hundred bucks a month.  Seriously…what’s with you and the kale?  Are you just pooping sod at this point?”

Me: *glaring*

Casey: “What?”

Me: “I don’t poop…girls don’t ever poop.”

Casey: *pausing* “Even if I win that debate, I feel like I’m still going to lose.”

Me: “Pretty much.”

(Two minutes later…)

Casey: *whispering* “Why don’t you poop?”

Me: *whispering* “Because if I did, it would kill the mystery.”

Casey: *still whispering*  “What mystery?  The one where I wonder where all the kale goes?”

8 thoughts on “That’s No Garden, Ho.

  1. Dear WordPress,

    Please un-fuck what you’ve done to Megan’s blog so that I can still receive her new posts in my reader.

    The only reason I’m even here now is because I keep coming back sporadically to see if she’s posted any nude selfies. What? She might do in the future.

    So to ensure that I don’t miss out on them, please fix the problem post-haste.

    Thank you kindly,
    Sean

    PS – Megan, I’m a little turned up by the gnome too. He’s got the whole camel toe thing going on as well…

    • How…did…I….miss THE CAMEL TOE!? I’m totally off my game, here.

      Sean…darling…if I were to take naked selfies, the glare that would shine back to the camera would either blind all that beheld the results, or create an entire picture that just held a sea of indistinguishable white parts. You’d spend hours trying to figure out if what you were looking at was a freckle of a nipple.

  2. ditto sean’s letter to wordpress minus the nude selfie part. I have to keep checking back to see what I missed. the fuck? and this post? I can’t even pick my favorite part because I love it all.

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