Let’s Hope That’s the Only Thing Exploding.

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seagull

As I make chicken and rice for the dog…not because I’m an awesome dog mom that custom makes his food, but because we’re out of dog food, and I’m too tired to go to Target…

Caolinn: “What are you cooking him?”

Me: “Rice and chicken.”

Caolinn: “Rice!?  Can he eat rice!?”

Me: “Rice is one of the main ingredients in his normal food…and he’s a dog…dogs are supposed to survive on rodents and twigs, in the wild.”

Caolinn: “Won’t rice make him explode?”

Me: “He’s not a friggin’ seagull, Caol.”

Caolinn: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Am I sure that the dog isn’t a seagull?  Yes…I’m sure the dog isn’t a seagull.  Are you sure you’re in the gifted program?”

Caolinn: *eye roll* “I can’t wait to go to college.”

Me: “Make sure to major in zoology.  Lesson one…dogs don’t have wings.”

Caolinn: *sigh*

 

17 thoughts on “Let’s Hope That’s the Only Thing Exploding.

  1. I don’t know where she got the idea that rice will make a dog explode. Maybe she confused rice with dynamite. However, rice can’t be a normal dog food because wolves don’t eat rice and dogs evolved from wolves. Maybe it will make the dog constipated.

    • Because she made me paranoid, I googled after, and the pet version of web md suggested boiled chicken and rice for a special treat or for when they had an upset stomach, so I’m in the clear. But believe me…I had a moment of doubt. 🙂

      For the record, the biggest mistake in this entire affair, is that the dog now expects custom meals. I’m a friggin’ idiot…

  2. rice DOES make the dog constipated – but just enough to be a nice “cure” for a little annoying diarreha caused by eating crap (rodents and other stuff *below* that wild dogs or wolves might eat). and I also thought she possibly confused rice for something……….pepto bismo? (which will make the pigeons explode). and just because these are *fun* dog facts, here’s what our sweet puppy has consumed so far (only side effect: the shits): frogs, cicadas (as big as frogs), lots of wood, a shoe, a slipper, a Fur Real, a pencil, a Jenga piece (or maybe two), a pair of Ray Bans, and lots and lots of napkins. this comment kind of makes me want him to explode.

    • Also a fun fact…you can give a bullmastiff Imodium. I know this, because having a 120lb dog with explosive diarrhea teaches you things. It also makes you want to kill yourself…but…you know.

  3. I always pull the (yuck) turkey sausage out of the freezer or some nasty microwave meal when the dog is out of food… It makes me feel like a classy pet owner. Granted, the reason the dog runs out of food is that I dread carrying the heavy bag inside. Which is less classy.

  4. I am so glad to read someone else is enough of a slave to their dog that they cook for it too. Do seagulls really explode if they eat rice? I just heard yesterday that a duck’s quack doesn’t echo… the things you find out on the Internet!

    • Seriously…what did we do before the readily availability of information about duck echos? Thanks to Buzzfeed, my head is full of crap, and I, sadly, love every second of it.

  5. Awwww, well good for you for making sure the dog doesn’t starve… I once fed my cat moldy bologna for lack of any other foodstuffs in the house. But, in my defense, that was years ago during my poor college student days…

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