I was contacted by a gentleman recently, with whom I will never be sleeping…

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He sent me an email, promising to “sweep you off your little feet”.  Clearly…he’s never seen the boats I’m walking on…  The following is his dating profile…

I’M ITALIAN! I AM AN AFFECTION, PASSIONATE, ROMANTIC ITALIAN. I AM TOLD I AM A TRUE ROMANTIC, I AM A PASSIONATE LOVER. I KNOW HOW TO TOUCH A WOMAN IN EVERY WAY. WE COULD GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER AND TAKE IT FROM THERE. WE COULD HAVE A CAPPUCCINO OR A GLASS OF WINE AND GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER. I AM VERY DOWN TO EARTH…EASY GOING…I AM THE LAST CHIVALRY GUY! I’M VERY CHARMING! I ALSO DO SOMETHING THEY DON’T DO ANYMORE THESE DAYS! YOU WILL SEE WHEN WE MEET!

WHOEVER I’M WITH, I COMPLIMENT HER ON HER STYLE, HER HAIR, HER MAKE-UP!

WHO KNOWS MAYBE WE CAN BE GREAT FRIENDS AND MAYBE MORE. I AM A GREAT LISTENER. I HAVE A LOT OF PATIENCE.
IF I LIKE WHAT I SEE, I WILL TELL YOU! I’D TAKE YOU BY YOUR LITTLE HAND EVERYWHERE WITH ME. I’D BE AFFECTIONATE WITH YOU IN PUBLIC AND IN PRIVATE. I’D WHISPER LITTLE NOTHINGS TO YOU IN YOUR LITTLE EAR!
I’M LOOKING FOR GOOD FRIENDS AND IF THE RIGHT GIRL COMES ALONG, THEN WONDERFUL!

I AM A NEW YORK YANKEES AND NY GIANTS FAN. I ALSO LIKE AND THE NY KNICKS!

PERHAPS WE COULD JUST BE GOOD FRIENDS TO GO OUTD DO THINGS TOGETHER! I WILL BE A GREAT FRIEND TO YOU! I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU NM T LISTENER! I THINK EVERE NEEDS GOOD FRIENDS IN THEIR LIFE!

I’d love to hear from you!

I’d totally marry him and have lots of sex and babies, but he’s a fucking Yankees fan.  I can’t have that shit in my house…it’s wrong.

2 thoughts on “I was contacted by a gentleman recently, with whom I will never be sleeping…

  1. First, you am funny, again. Thanks.
    Second, a guy thinks it’s appealing to compliment a woman on her makeup? If my makeup is done correctly, I do it in five minutes, and no average guy knows I’m wearing it. If a guy compliments me on it–other than to say he likes that I don’t wear very much–I know he’s gay. Time to move on.

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