Note: I’m Her Favorite Nothing

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A conversation at my mother’s dinner table with my daughter (Caolinn) and the twins (Xavier and Liam).  My mother, for the record, said NONE of this.

Liam: “Grandma said that I’m her favorite twin.”

Caolinn: “Yeah, but I’m her favorite overall grandchild.”

Liam: “We all know that, Caolinn, but I’m the favorite of the twins.”

Xavier: “What the HELL, Grandma!?”

So, yeah…sorry, I’ve been so quiet…I was in Federal Prison. (No, but I’m willing to bet at least half the people who know me wouldn’t be surprised.)

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And so we resume…

Me: “I still think you should consider taking up meditation. It might help you focus.”

Xavier: “I’ve tried that already, but when I tried doing it in class, it just pissed my teachers off.”

Me: *sigh*

Stockholm Syndrome…Now in Technicolor!

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Xavier: “I don’t remember this movie being so rapey.”

Liam: “Um, yeah…there are consent issues all over this thing.”

Xavier: “It’s like they think setting sexual assault to song makes it allowable.”

Liam: “Seriously, this is just a bunch of hillbillies kidnapping women they can’t have, only instead of a cargo van, they have a horses and a wagon.”

Me: “Well…so much for family movie night.”

***Seriously though…glad the consent conversations seem to be paying off.***

If You Thought Goodnight Moon Was Twisted…

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Unfortunately, there are very few readily available books on Erwin Rommel, my son’s assigned topic for 8th grade History. The “book” I ordered on Amazon came today, and it was a whopping 30 pages in large font, claiming to give his full history from birth to death.  Bullshit.  It’s being returned.

Me: “Will you look at this!?  How are they selling this as a ‘book’!?”

Xavier: “What is it?”

Me: “It’s what I bought for Liam to do his report!”

Xavier: “That’s way too small to be a book.”

Me: “It’s a pamphlet!”

Xavier: “It’s like a children’s book…but with Nazis.”