In My Head…It Involved Mounties

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Boys: (Murmuring something to each other at the farmer’s market.)

Me: “WHAT did you just say to your brother!?”

Xavier (confused): “Canadian corn.”

Me: “Oh.”

Liam: “Wait…what did you think he said?”

Me (cough): “Nothing…nevermind.”

Apparently Haberdashery Class Was All Full

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Xavier: “Does the high school we’re going to next year have a metal working class for farriers?”
Me: (under my breath) “What the actual fuck?”
Caolinn: (whispering) “I heard that.  And, seriously, yeah…what the fuck?”

They Don’t Make Enough Soap To Deal With This.

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Bobby: “Miss M, Miss M, I got a tattoo!”

Me: “Seriously?”  (sigh)  “Let me see it.”

Bobby: (lifts pant leg, where he has “MOB” on his thigh)

Me: “MOB?  Like the Mob?  Like you’re a mobster?”

Bobby: “No, it’s ‘M. O. B.’  It stands for ‘Money Over Bitches’.”

Me: (pause) “Bobby…you don’t have any money…or bitches.”

Bobby: “Yeah, but I’m going to get things.”

Me: “If by ‘things’, you mean hepatitis, then, yes, you are going to get things.”

***Let’s not even get started on the fact that Bobby is a 14-year-old freshman, or that he got this tattoo from some dude he met at the park.  And, yes, I called his mother, and no, she didn’t care.  Sigh…

And, Yes, I Am Going To Teach…I’m Just Whining.

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Me: I’m too tired to teach tomorrow, I think I’ll just show them a movie.

Ryan: How about Frozen?

Me: How about Mommy Dearest?

Ryan: Good call, it would make all the parents look good.

Me: Today’s lesson: Perspective.

Ryan: They’ll also learn important life lessons like “Clean your plate.”

Me: And, “No, you DON’T need all those birthday presents.”

Ryan: And, “You can’t beat Mommy at swimming, but she can beat you…with everything in the house.”

Me: So much better than Disney.

This Is Why I Haven’t Given Him His Own Phone

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This is what happens when you let your 13-year-old text his sister from your phone.  Annnnnnd I know this comes as a total shock, but I don’t use my kids’ real names on here, so I’ve edited the screen shot to protect the TOTALLY not innocent.

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