Driving next to a man with his arm hanging out his window…with “Nicole” tattooed across the entire forearm.
Caolinn: “Well…now we know what his ex-girlfriend’s name is…”
A text conversation that took place with my friend, Maya, because of this post…in which my son gave a thinly veiled threat of cannibalism.
Maya: Come to my house. You’re safe here. We’re all vegetarians.
Me: I’ll be right over, but I’m leaving the kids behind…clearly, they can’t be trusted.
Maya: It’ll be like Lord of the Flies at your house. Plus side, you’ll be safe over here, and I have alcohol.
Me: Okay, but nobody better call CPS….be cool.
Caolinn: “I should TOTALLY be a mediator…I’m awesome at solving conflicts. I solved like three already today.”
Me: “Caol…you started every last one of them.”
John: “What’s going on Saturday?”
Me: “Going to dinner with a pharmacist.”
John: “New guy?”
Me: “Mmmhmm. Hopefully, he doesn’t make my top five list for worst first dates of all time. He’d have to really pull out all the stops to oust one of those guys from their positions.”
John: “Like talk with his mouth full?”
Me: “Pfffft. Like pull a severed head out of a bag.”
John: “Usually people leave those in the car.”
Me: “Right!? Manners!”