Guys, I Don’t Think I Can Top This One

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For full effect…you have to picture D’Avonte in floral spandex leggings and a blouse with some sassy sandals and enough costume jewelry to blind someone if caught in direct sunlight…

(Looking over to see her doing some weird squatting motion in my doorway, on her way to lunch.)

Me: “What ARE you doing?”

D’Avonte: “I’m tucking, Ms. M, cuz you know…I don’t have…(whispering)…a vagina.”

Me: “Oh, my, God!  Go to the bathroom!”

D’Avonte: “Love you, Ms. M.”

Me: “Love you, too.”

The Lucha Libra of Lies

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A conversation about a local politician, while sitting around the dinner table at my parent’s house…

Grandpa: “If he were a member of the royal family, he’d be the Prince of Perjury.”

Xavier: “Grandpa…we’re eating, please don’t talk about throwing up, it’s not appropriate.”

 

It’s Like Real Porn…But With Less Nudity, But Somehow Lower Morals

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Those of you who know me, know that I have a deep, abiding love of something that I like to lovingly call, “real estate porn”, and now I’m passing my addiction on to America’s youth.  While we were eating breakfast, I usually show the kids the news, but last Friday, we went on an MLS site, so I could show them multi-million dollar homes, prompting this…

D’Avonte: “Forty-nine million dollars!?  Who has forty-nine million dollars!?  And who needs sixteen bathrooms?  You only got one ass.”

 

**NOTE: I do NOT refer to it as “real estate porn” in front of my students…I like my job.  Ironically, I don’t think I have a student that hasn’t seen a tremendous amount of ACTUAL porn, but someone has to have some standards in this joint, and sadly, that’s me.**

If I Have To Claim You, I’m Dyeing Your Hair Red, and I Get To Beat You.

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(On our field trip last week…)

Me: “Hey…behave. We’re in public and people are going to think you’re mine.”

Kid: “Ohhhh, it’s about to get real embarrassing for you, then.”

Me: *sigh*