My former father-in-law’s wife truly means well, but recently emailed both Caolinn and I this long account of how they ran into a fawn, tried to get it help, and then it died anyway. Merry fucking Christmas. Anyway…Caolinn wasn’t impressed.
Caolinn: “Why would she email me, a vegetarian animal lover, a story about how they murdered a baby deer with a Toyota!?”
Me: “Sweetie, I don’t think she meant any harm, but I acknowledge it’s weird.”
Caolinn: “Well, guess who’s not getting a Christmas present from me this year!?”
If you’re not already following Jenny Lawson’s (TheBloggess) Twitter feed of people’s awkward confessions, you’re severely missing out. I think I’ve done every single thing people have written about, at some point. I’m THAT awkward. Case in point…
A text conversation…
Me: Soooooo, I saw a kid walking in my building wearing a nice dress shirt and a tie, so I said, ‘Well, don’t you look handsome today!’.
Me: Turns out it’s not a kid…it’s a new 23yo substitute.
Tracy: Oh no…
Me: The look on his face… I went from friendly mom-figure to cougar in about 2 seconds flat.
Tracy: Awesome. Enjoy sexual harassment class. Again.